Things My Dad Has Taught Me

Today is my dad's 60th birthday. He's entering the "fourth quarter" of his life (something he's been reminding anyone who will listen for the past month or so) and I can't think of anyone who has influenced me more than him, with the exception of my mom. 

I am a very lucky person. I have two wonderful, loving parents who have always supported me and each other. I grew up in a loving household. We fought, of course, but at the end of the day we always sat down for dinner together - no matter what. When I left for college in 2004 (holy smokes that is so long ago) I made the conscious decision not only to leave behind my friends, but also my mom, my sister... and my father. We still talk on the phone several times a week and often have interesting, insightful, and, okay, sometimes weird conversations (last night I called up my dad and he recited the Gettysburg Address to me - no joke) but we're there for each other.

Always. 

So I wanted to share with you some things my dad has shared with me. Things he's told me outright, and things he's shown me through his actions. I hope these little tidbits of wisdom help you as they've helped me, and I hope you'll join me in wishing my dad the best birthday anyone could ask for. 

1) Life Isn't Fair. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Don't expect life to give you stuff. It won't. Work for what you want and keep getting up no matter how many times you're knocked down. Don't feel sorry for yourself. No one else does. 

2) Always be respectful. Whether it's a coworker or the woman at the grocery store checking you out, take the time to smile and say hello. Be attentive. Be present. Listen. Everyone is trying to get through the day just like you are. If someone calls you, call them back. Write thank you letters. Remember birthdays. Treat everyone how you would like to be treated, even if they're a big pain in the ass. 

3) Never take the little things for granted. It's easy to get lost in the big picture. Remember to take a deep breath, stop, and appreciate all the little things it's easy to overlook. Not losing your car keys. Getting an unexpected call from an old friend. Smiling at a stranger on the street and having them smile back. Expecting rain and getting sun. Being stuck in a traffic jam for two hours instead of three. Winning $2 on a $1 scratch off ticket. You're here. You're alive. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. 

4) Work with your hands. Do something outside. Get your hands dirty once in a while. Garden. Build something. Mow the lawn. Pick up trash at the park. Don't be afraid to break a sweat. 

5) Don't worry about impressing anyone. Life is too short to worry about the opinions of others. Be the real you. Tell bad jokes. Wear weird clothes. Who cares if your hair isn't perfect? Say what you feel, not what you think other people want you to say. Do what you want, not what you think other people want you to do. Step out of the box. There's only one of you, so let yourself shine. 

6) Do something that makes you happy. Even if it doesn't make you a lot of money.   

7) Love. Love yourself. Love your significant other. Love your siblings. Love your parents. Love your children. Love your children's children. Love your friends. Love your pets. Build lasting relationships. Take the time to nourish them. Make those you love feel special, even if it's just with a kind word. At the end of your life money won't matter. The size of your house won't matter. The kind of car you drive won't matter. Your family and your friends -- they will matter. You put in what you get out. So put in lots of love. 

Why I Hate Hugs

I'm going to say right from the very beginning that this post has nothing to do with writing. But it's something I've been thinking about lately, and something that's been cropping up in a few different conversations, so I thought I'd put my thoughts to keyboard and get my personal ideas out there for the whole world to see because really, what else is a blog for?

So, admission time: I don't like hugging. 

I know, shocking right? What kind of awful, mean, terrible, heartless person doesn't like hugging? Me. That's who. And while I have plenty of flaws, I don't think I'm awful, mean, terrible, or heartless (except when I squished the flying ant in my apartment this morning - that was pretty heartless. But it was an ANT. And it was FLYING. Uh, no). 

I imagine Dr. Phil would say my parents have something to do with my innate dislike of a perfectly innocent and socially acceptable form of affection, and he would be correct. 

I don't come from a family of huggers. 

Now, don't get me wrong. My parents are two of the most caring, loving, and supportive people I know. They always have been and they always will be. That being said, I went up to visit them two weeks ago for the first time in six months. We hugged once when I arrived. We hugged once when I left. Short, sweet, and to the point. I saw my grandfather. No hugging. I saw my grandmother. No hugging there either. No hugging my aunt I see once a year, or my cousins I often see less than that.

Weird? Maybe. But for me, it's normal. For me, it's comfortable. 

I like greeting people with a simple hello and a smile. Same goes for when I leave. So when the heck did it become the norm to hug bloody everyone when you arrive and when you scoot out?

I didn't even know hugging was a thing until I went out of state for college and started meeting brand new people and making brand new friends. I found myself with a boyfriend whose mother insisted on hugging me whenever I left their house. It was nice, I suppose. A friendly, loving gesture with no harm intended. I still didn't like it.

The same thing started to occur when I went to visit friends. I was hugged when I arrived and hugged when I left. By everyone. A simple "It was great to see you, have a nice night!" no longer seemed to be enough. I actually began to dread having to leave a party, especially a party with a lot of people. I would paste a smile on my face and try to say my good byes quickly, but they always caught me.

Huggers are sneaky. And relentless. 

So I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to learn to become a hugger. And I tried. I really did. But it's just not for me. First of all, there are so many kinds of hugs and I never know what one to give, or what one I'll be receiving. 

There's the face to face hug: 

The cheek kiss hug:

The super tight (and uncomfortable) bear hug:

The awkward hug:

The "just please don't" hug:

The one armed hug:

And (horrors upon horrors) the group hug:

I know I'm in the minority when it comes to my opinion on hugging. And I know most of you are sitting there thinking "what the heck is the big deal?" and I guess there isn't one. Not really. I mean, if someone cares enough about me to want to give me a hug, then so be it.

I guess what I'm trying to say in this long, rambling post is that if you have a friend in your group who doesn't try to hug you every time they leave, let them go with a smile and a "hey, catch you next time!" They're not being rude or weird. I swear. 

They're just very fond of their personal space.